Facing Tomorrow

My original plan was to set up Anna's place as a webpage, kind of like a mini-website. But God's been laying on my heart to share more with you. I'm not an expert, I guess that's why I've been a bit afraid to "tell you" stuff. I'm just a woman, who by God's grace, has continued to live, ever learning to trust, and emerging out of my comfort zone by sharing my suffering.

The following is a post I have on my other blog, more of a daily/weekly update on life, family, and my walk with God. I've chosen to post it here on Anna's Place too, I don't know why exactly, but God does. I pray it blesses you, no matter who you are, or what you are going through. Jesus loves you. Jesus cares, and so do I. Remember, I am praying for you...


“Do you ever get over it?” It’s a question I’m often asked. When it comes to the death of a loved one, from my experience, you learn to live with it, but you never get over it.

Does it mean I haven’t “moved on” with my life? No. I’ve moved on, in fact from the beginning I knew I had a choice. It was sink or swim: Trust Jesus or drown, drown in my sorrow, drown in my hurt, drown in my loneliness. I chose to keep on living.

I’ve written before about “hidden pockets of grief” as one friend so aptly put it. One of those “pockets” for me is about SUFFERING. My first husband’s death in a car accident was a violent death. After the car rolled over, he was ejected onto the highway, bleeding internally. Just writing this, my stomach still tightens and my eyes grow misty. I’ve often wondered, “Did he suffer?” Just the thought is overwhelming.

So what do I do when the notion starts swelling within me like a rising tide? Trust Jesus. Gerald Alan Kelly was a child of God. He had trusted Jesus Christ as his personal Savior. The day God called him home, no matter the method God used, Gerry was safe in the arms of Jesus.

I sat on the couch in my Nanna’s living room yesterday. She told me how much I was going to enjoy the latest novel she was passing on to me: Angela Hunt’s, The Pearl.

“I got so frustrated with the mother in the story, though.” My Nanna’s amber eyes blazed with fire. “It’s about a mother whose son died. She went off the deep end.”

I looked at my fiesty little grandmom. “Well, did she ever come back around and decide to trust the Lord?”

“Yes, but it wasn’t until the end. She lived a miserable, terrible life up until that point.”

I thought of the novel I was currently reading, “White Chocolate Moments”, Lori Wick’s latest masterpiece. It is about a young girl who loses her parents in a car accident. I’m only up to page 67. It’s been hard for me to read, not because it’s terrible writing, but because of the memories and the accompanying emotions it evokes.

“Nanna,” I said to my eighty-six-year-old grandmother who has walked with God for nearly a century. “Do you ever think about death now that you’re older?”

Nanna looked at me from her reading chair. Her Bible was open on her lap. “Sometimes,” she admitted. “But I know I’ll be with my Lord. And there’s a whole lot of people waiting for me there.” She paused for a moment. “I suppose the only thing I sometimes think about is how it will happen. I don’t want it to be long and drawn out. I don’t want to burden anyone and I hope I don’t have to suffer.”

I nodded in understanding. “I often wonder if Gerry suffered.”

Silence hung in the air.

“Honey, God has brought you through so much.”

“Yes, Nanna. And you’ve been right there with me, helping me, praying for me.” I patted my Nanna’s hand. “Jesus has been my help and my strength through it all.”

“You know Nanna, since God gives us grace and strength to live, I believe He’ll give us the same grace when it’s time to die, no matter how. Remember, Jesus suffered on the cross…”

My lovely grandmom smiled. “You’re right, Susie. He did.”

And with that thought, I can face tomorrow.

No matter what happens, with Jesus as your personal Savior, He will be with you. He experienced suffering. He experienced sorrow. He experienced death, but rose again victorious! Praise God!

In Jesus' love,
Susan

“For in Him we live, and move, and have our being…” Acts 17:28