The day has passed - June 30th. The end of the month for some, but the day that changed my life forever one sunny day in 1992.
For those of you who have experienced the death of a loved one, you know how it is, the day that changed your life is an ever present mark on your calendar, maybe not visibly, but in your heart and mind. You wish it wasn't, oh how you wish, but nonetheless, it is an event, not that we celebrate, but one that we do remember because we cannot do otherwise.
My sister asked me recently when I told her that June 30th had come and gone and that it had now been seventeen years since Gerry's death:
"Sue, does it feel like that part of your life even happened?" My sister handed a fruit bowl to her four-year-old son who quickly picked out a handful of his favorite raspberries.
"What do you mean?" I said between bites of my ham and cheese bagel melt that my sister had made me for lunch. Her three children and my youngest son sat eating their lunch in their swimsuits, anxious to hop in the small backyard pool in my sister's yard.
"I mean with where you are now, does it seem like it (my first marriage and my husband's sudden death taking into account my re-marriage) really happened?"
My heart gave a turn and my stomach tightened. It was a natural question for such an unnatural event in our lives. We had both felt it, cried over it, mourned with it, prayed over it, but I lived it day in and day out, changing my son's diapers, paying my bills, going to sleep at night alone. Death, while inevitable in this life because of Adam and Eve's choice in the Garden of Eden, is never a welcome guest.
"Yes," I replied nodding. "Absolutely. Gerry was a part of my life I will never forget. He was not only my husband but my friend. Besides, all I have to do is look at our son Jared and the memory is there."
A small smile of compassion passed across her beautiful face, quietly, respectfully acknowledging my answer.
I took a sip of water. "He was a part of my life, just like your children are a part of yours. You would never forget one of them."
"I wouldn't." My sister's soft spoken words were said with raw honesty.
"The only way I can explain it to you is that it's as if I was traveling down one path in life and God had me turn onto a different road. My life is moving in a different direction but it doesn't mean I've forgotten the road I traveled."
And so, we live our lives to the full, not reveling in carelessness, but taking those moments with the ones we love, showering them in turn with all the love and tenderness that Jesus bestows on us. Christ died for sinners, you and me, so we might have life and life eternal. Oh how we need to show that sacrificial love to each other every day that we live.
So another year has passed, one more year I am closer to my heavenly home, a home that is being prepared for me by my Savior, Jesus Christ. He wants to prepare a home for you today. Won't you let him do that for you? He loves you and will be with you every step of the way here on earth. That's God's promise.
Remember, I am praying for you. God loves you and I do too. He knows you by name.
In Jesus' love,
Susan
"...Grace to you and peace for Him who is and who was and who is to come,... and from Jesus Christ, the faithful witness, the firstborn from the dead, and the ruler over the kings of the earth. To Him who loved us and washed us from our sins in His own blood,..." Revelation 1:4-6
