Triggers

Yesterday, while driving my youngest son to Kindergarten, we encountered a roadblock with a detour.

Every time I see flashing lights, orange cones, police and rescue workers, my heart skips a beat. After my first husband’s death in a car accident, my reflex these days is to pray for all involved.

Life continues for us on earth until the day God says it will end. So what happens when those inevitable “triggers” come - events that bring back a flood of memories and their accompanying pain, hurt, and grief?

I continued driving down the road in an effort to get my son to school on time. We arrived five minutes late after our fifteen-minute detour and I walked him into the office to sign a tardy slip. On the slip, I had to explain why we were late. I briefly told the office worker about the accident while signing the tardy slip.

My son spoke up. “Daddy Gerry died in a car accident.”

Now sometimes I take the time to explain to others what that statement means. Yesterday, I did not. I simply said, “Let’s not talk about that right now.”

While driving home, tears began to fall. I thought about the day of the accident. I thought about my oldest son who is so anxious to get out on the road after getting his drivers permit a few days ago. I thought about my youngest son, born to my second husband and me, who is currently trying to digest the idea that he wouldn’t be here if someone hadn’t died.

Death is a complicated matter. So many things can trigger painful memories, but also trigger fresh pain for today.

So what do we do with the hurt?

Bring it to Jesus.

As I cried and prayed, I began to sing a song. I can’t explain it, but I started singing the Doxology. We haven’t sung it at our church in ages, but occasionally when our extended family would gather at the dinner table, we would sing it as a prayer. The song goes like this:

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
Praise him all creatures here below.
Praise him above ye heavenly hosts.
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

Jesus knows our hurts. When he lived here on earth, he experienced heart wrenching pain and grief. And he did it all for you and me. He did it so we could live, not only now, but for eternity.

Bring your hurts to Jesus and leave them there. The triggers will come, but the hurt doesn’t have to stay. Give it to Jesus, my friend. He will help you. He loves you. Remember, I am praying for you. God is able, he really is.

In Christ’s love,
Susan